Survivor's Shane has a Crazy Idea

If you watched Survivor: Exile Island last night, you probably think, Shane Powers is going crazy. In last night's episode, Shane threatens to kill one of his competitors  and in the previews for next week, he calls a piece of a wood his Blackberry and claims he's communicating with people "not on this island."

But in case you're worried, Shane's doing just fine. In fact he's never been better, now that he's conceived of a way to get free publicity advice from fans. Powers, a former actor, is now trying to be an icon, with the help of a contest on his website that solicits fans to "conceive, write, photograph, video and document a marketing campaign for "Got Shane?" The Survivor contestant is already selling t-shirts with the milk Shane campaign slogan, but it seems that Powers is planning a major media blitz in an attempt to segueway his reality show appearance into a full fledged career.

According to his website "All submitted material will be reviewed and judged by a special panel appointed by Shane Powers, and Shane himself." We're not sure how he's selecting the panel, but we're certain there's at least one house pet on board. And the grand prize for being Shane Power's publicity director? You get your submission displayed on (drum roll) www.shanepowers.com. I'll admit it's so crazy it just might work. Oh wait, I was talking about the wooden blackberry.

A Eulogy In Remembrance of Celebrity Cooking Showdown

Ah Celebrity Cooking Showdown, how we hardly knew you.  You showed so much promise, with your seemingly perfect recipe for success: One part Iron Chef rip-off, one part B-list celebs displaying how inadequate they are at anything other than being on TV, one part host Alan Thicke's rambling, scotch-soaked commentary, and of course the secret ingredient: the fact that, until now, America has proven to LOVE watching almost any mundane activity if it's "With the Stars!".  So what went wrong? 

If I had to guess, I would say that it has something to do with the fact that even someone with the most inept culinary abilities could recognize that watching famous chefs hand-hold frenzied "stars" as they run around the stage bumbling their way through the preparation of fairly simple meals is not only boring, but also pretty pointless.  Who cares if some daytime soap star can put together a pot roast with Wolfgang Puck walking her through the whole thing?  Considering the fact that NBC pulled last night's final episode and replaced with re-runs of Will & Grace and My Name Is Earl, the answer is pretty obvious. 

Celebrity Cooking Showdown, you will certainly be forgotten, but shall never be missed.  Here's hoping that Mowing the Lawn With (Kinda-Sorta) Movie Stars will fare a little better.

Goodbye Gilmore Girls, Hello Heartbreak

So the big news is that The Gilmore Girls is nearing it's last season, as the show's creators have jumped ship. I personally never really liked the show, but I find myself distraught over the news. Mainly, because I have a feeling Gilmore fans are very co-dependant and will not take this information lightly.

No question, among the Gilmore community, there will be a lot tears, a lot of blame foisted on ex-boyfriends, plenty of Wiccan pray circles, an unhealthy amount of chocolate cake, mandatory book club meetings, plenty of aromatherapy, and nonstop Build-a-Bear workshops.

You are such a strong group of people and you've been through so much together, from Rory's rebellion to Lorelai's rollercoaster relationship. But you've managed to pull through with all the wit and candor of a personalized pillow. The hard truth is that there will never be another show set in a quaint B&B town, filled with pleasantly plump people and a mother daughter duo who's banter can only be stopped with a fying pan to the skull. No they were one of a kind. But they're not Gilmore Girls anymore, they're Gilmore Women and you need to let them go. Believe me, their spirit will live on in the souls of shows like The Ghost Whisperer, Beautiful People and Starting Over. And those shows will never get canceled.

Dancing with the Broke Stars

According to Howard Stern's girlfriend Beth Ostrosky, Dancing with the Stars doesn't pay that well. The shock jock's girlfriend revealed on Stern's Sirius radio show, that she was offered a place on the upcoming Dancing with the Stars 3, but is hesitant to accept the offer because they only pay a maximum of $245,000 for 8 weeks of taping. The model slash girlfriend was offered a base salary of $125,000 for the first two weeks and $20,000 each additional week until voted off.

According to the New York Post, Drew Lachey confirmed the pay sucks. Lachey agreed: “It’s kind of ridiculous. In terms of TV and for the ratings that the show gets, it’s ridiculous,” he said.

While we think $245,000 over 8 weeks is pretty good, we have a feeling Drew's contract was considerably less than Ostrosky's.  In fact, Drew's right, he's worth way more than 8 bags of peanuts and a bowling trophy. 

Celebrity Cooking Showdown is Thicke-Headed

Last night's premiere episode of Celebrity Cooking Showdown, a new series that pits minor celebrities against each other in the kitchen, lacked the shock value of American Idol or the panache of Dancing with the Stars. But it did have one thing other shows couldn't top: Alan Thicke. The former Seaver who, by the way, never ages, managed to sneak in a Simon Cowell-esque dig in his unassuming game show host voice.

Narrating- ala Iron Chef- as pinup Cindy Margolis cooked frantically, Thicke noted that Margolis isn't used to doing things for herself. He said: Cindy's husband owns a restaurant, she has three meals a day delivered, she had her twins delivered by a surrogate. Is there a pattern here?

Is he calling her lazy for not baring her own children? Gosh, I hope so. Listen up for more Thicke-isms through out the week. I can't wait to hear what he has to say about new dad and tonight's guest Ashley Parker Angel.

Oh my God, They Censored South Park! You bastards!

Those of you who watched last Wednesday's episode of South Park (and really, you should have by now. we even posted a clip here) were probably taken aback during the climatic scene when the Muslim prophet Muhammed was finally set to appear. Instead of airing the show that revolved arond the issue of censorship the way it was meant to be seen, Comedy Central edited the s**t out of it. Instead of watching Muhammed hand Peter Griffin (from Family Guy) a salmon covered football helmet, we were instead treated with a description of the event, followed by the line "Comedy Central has refused to broadcast an image of Muhammed on their network." Harsh.

Now, like WWTDD points out, this wasn't a gag. They really were censored and they really were not allowed to include an image of Muhammed on the show. This time. A couple of years ago, though, it was alllll good in the hood. WWTDD has a couple of clips from the Superfriends episode where Muhammed fought crime with Jesus, Buddha, and a few other religious prophets. And they also have the unedited clip from last week's episode. Watch it now... that is, if you can handle being SO OFFENDED by such a SHOCKING and INAPPROPRIATE cartoon. Best of luck. [watch them here]

What About Brian? Will He Be A Hit?

According to whataboutbrian.org, the fishy, "unofficial fan-site" (created innocently by a "venture capitalist who loves Barry Watson" and not at all by ABC executives)for the new show What About Brian about a perpetually single guy with coupled-off friends, 75% of viewers think the show is going to be a hit. Unfortunately, 100% of reviewers disagree.

Personally, I was so excited to see such a refreshingly funny portrayal of the anxieties of a single guy who just wants to belong. We're talking about What About Bob?, right?

Punk'ds that never were, Punk'ds that will be

I love Punk'd and not just because the show's success allows Viacom to write me a check each week, but also because I get to see how truly despicable my favorite celebrities really are when they think no one's watching.  Unfortunately, some celebrities like Ryan Phillipe,  Edward Norton, and A-Rod are so despicable, they won't let the show air their segments. (Check out this list of punk'ds that will never air here. )

Meanwhile, in a perfect world, where celebrities don't have to sign release forms, these are the Punk'd scenarios I'd like to see:

• Sarah Jessica Parker gets her poofy skirt caught in a shredding machine.
• Tom Cruise is caught looking in the mirror when he thinks he's alone
• Katie Couric goes to a party where some one younger and prettier than her is wearing the same outfit
• Anything that will cause Zach Braff to assault a little kid again

Now it's your turn. Tell us what punks you'd like to see. Maybe some one with power at MTV is reading this, but we doubt it.

Survivor Winner Revealed?

Has the Winner of Survivor Panama been leaked through online betting?

According to Realitytvworld.com, "Bodog.com announced Tuesday that suspicious betting patterns on one of the show's eight remaining contestants has forced it to halt wagering on Survivor: Panama, the twelfth edition of the long-running CBS reality show." Apparently a friend of the winner has been leaking the information to the public. Find out who probably will win $1 million bucks and get sued for $10 million after the jump.

And the winner is... Danielle DiLorenzo, the single, medical sales representative from Florida.

Wow!  As the 7th winner of Survivor, she's got a lot to look forward to. If the show's winners are any indication, DiLorenzo can expect to go to press junkets, morning show interviews, endless awards show after-parties, oh and jail.   

Is South Park Having the Best Week Ever?

Now in their 10th season, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to have gotten the creation of controversy down to a science (or a Scientologist, as it were).  Starting with last season's now-infamous "Trapped In the Closet" episode in which they skewer Tom Cruise, his religion, his sexuality and R. Kelly in one fell swoop, the show has continued pushing highly public buttons, from Isaac Hayes to Islam, culminating in last night's "Cartoon Wars" Conclusion that managed to make fun of Family Guy joke-writing, religious fundamentalists, knee-jerk reactionaries, free-speech idealists, kowtowing networks (clearly aiming at the hypocrisy of their own), Jesus, President Bush and big wheels - and still make a whole lot of sense.  It's no wonder they finally won their first Peabody award. 

These guys are clearly having the Best Week - and the best season - Ever.