While You Were Resolving To Eat Salad

• As if they weren't already cartoonish enough, Paris and Nicky Hilton are planning an animated series about their lives.  If you're going to let your kids watch, make sure they sit super-close to the TV, eating a big bowl of frosted sugar, on a pile of dirty needles, preferably near a chemical spill. 
• Kevin Federline.  New "track".  MySpace.  Papa-wow, this is amazing music. 
• Oprah is boycotting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  The rest of the media hopefully, mercifully to follow. 
• In a SHOCKING turn of events, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have announced that this week's season premiere of the show will spoof all the recent controversy surrounding last season's Scientology episode.  God bless the press. 
• Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke dissed British Prime Minister Tony Blair this week, refusing to meet with him to discuss climate changes.  Yet again, Thom Yorke has totally ripped off Jessica Simpson.  What a copycat.
• A week later, the press is finally coming to the realization (7th item) that adding Google Maps to your day-old reader-submitted celebrity sightings report isn't exactly a life-threatening problem for famous people.