...OF THE DAY

• PHOTOSHOP ENTRY: This one (to the right.) Keep them coming! (click here to enter!)
• PARENTAL CHALLENGE: Brad Pitt's issued to his mom. He is reportedly demanding that she choose him and Angelina Jolie or ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.
• FORMER SQUEALER LIKE A PIG: Ned Beatty. He has won the Master Of Cinema Award at the upcoming RiverRun International Film Festival in North Carolina.
• GENDER-BENDING TEACHER: Lily McBeth, 71. Ms. McBeth used to be Mr. McBeth at Eagleswood Elementary in New Jersey.
• QUESTION THAT TAKES A WHOLE BOOK TO ANSWER: Why is Michael Jackson weird? Answered by Margo Jefferson, author of On Michael Jackson.
• PICTURE PERFECT VACATION: TomKat in Tahiti. They sure look happy!
• SECRETARY OF STATE WORKOUT TIPS: Condoleeza Rice's. She will be sharing her fitness regimen on the Today show.
• FORMER HOOTERS WAITRESS: Oscar nominee Amy Adams. 
• THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY HEADLINE: "Bird Flu Is Found in Cat in Europe, a First"

While You Were Buying Mardi Gras Beads

• Paris Hilton is convinced she's going to be going up against Charlize Theron for movie roles. But only if House of Wax 2 has a potential Oscar winning female lead written in, naturally. 
• 15-year-old Emma Watson has been photographed kind-of drinking beer. Corona doesn't actually count as beer, does it?
• Elton John is throwing a lavish Oscar party. In a related story, Elton John is still gay.
• John Travolta is writing a romantic comedy. Kelly Preston, Xenu being eyed as possible love interests.
• Jodie Foster will deliver this year's Commencement Address at the University of Pennsylvania. Her advice to the class of '06? Rub the lotion on your skin or else you'll get the hose again.
• There was a black-out on the set of Regis & Kelly today. And no, it has nothing to do with Regis or alcohol. This time.
• Eva Longoria is ready to have a baby. Which works out perfectly, because I'm ready to be a father. Call me.

Harlan McCraney: Presidential Speechalist

Yes, jokes about President Bush's inability to properly communicate are getting a little old, but comedian Andy Dick's short film about this Presidential Speechalist is still pretty goshdurn funny. 

While You Were Watching Oprah

• Jen and Brad want to move on so bad they lowered the asking price of their Bev Hills mansion to just $24.9 million. Come on, it's a bargain.
• Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are reportedly pregnant. We'll refrain from making a joke here--that baby's got enough problems.
• Britney Spears at Mardi Gras takes a break from nursing baby, to nurse some beads.
• Lindsay Lohan says she's not so close to Paris or Nicole. But you know they'd so be there for each other if any of them ever needed anything.
• Vince Vaughn is having second thoughts about relationship with Jennifer Aniston. Has nothing to do with the nose job/ liposuction reports, why?

Tyra's Tough Question of the Day

Tyra gets the "scoop" from Queen Latifah about whether she cleans up after her dog.

Is Robocop Having The The Best Week Ever?

For four and a half seasons now, Jack Bauer has outsmarted every single one of his enemies on the hit show 24. Habib Marwan? Dead. Nina Myers? Also dead. Dennis Hopper? He died too... why do you think you haven't seen him since? The point is, no matter who Jack Bauer has gone up against, he's always ended up on top. Until this week.

Last night, Jack came face to face with perhaps the greatest force he's ever had to deal with:  Robocop. Okay, actually it was the guy who played Robocop, Peter Weller. But that's close enough.

Does Jack have what it takes to bring Robocop down? You remember the opening scene of the movie-- Weller gets absolutely destroyed but he manages to live through it. Do you think Jack Bauer is capable of delivering a greater beating than that? The answer:

Well, yes. He can. And in all likelihood he probably will. So that's why I think Robocop's having the Best Week Ever. He's back in the public eye, he's getting the upper hand on Jack, and chances are he doesn't have too many weeks left to live. That has "Best Week Ever" written all over it.

Oscar Week: Which Nominee Are You?

There's a fun quiz called "What's Your Nominee Style?" that tells you which Oscar nominee you are most like. I took it and I'm most like Felicity Huffman ("Low-Maintenance Hottie"). It lists my "must haves" are: "Lip balm, wear-with-anything shoes, one perfect all-purpose bag and a favorite comfy sweater -- and you practically invented blue jeans yourself!" It's eerily accurate, except I have two bags: One for knocking around town and another little black one for when I got out to dinner or a party.

(Thanks to Barbie Martini.)

SIZZLER: Countdown to Katie's Incarceration

That lovable ladies man and perpetual bachelor Tom Cruise has finally set a date to marry his one true love, Katie Holmes. While most celebrities would try to hide their wedding date from the press, we're sure Tom wants the world to know his wedding is set for July 4th 2006. In fact, he'd like to extend the 'save the date' cards to the paparazzi so they can be sure to make the event . More details about the wedding after the jump...

The date is one day after Tom's 44th birthday and three months after Katie delivers their beautiful love-child. Sources say the wedding will be a four day event patterned after Cruise's almost-Oscar worthy film Born on the Fourth of July. While the day will be a jubilant event filled with kissing, hand-grabbing and proclamations of unadulterated joy, it's important to remember Tom's nuanced portrayal of a wheelchair bound Viet Nam Vet. No plans yet as to where the couple will be spending their honeymoon, but we look forward to the press release. 

The Daily Danza

Danza does a little ditty about Dubuque

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

• Stereogum is gearing up for his big SXSW brouhaha with a couple new tracks from Ted Leo & the Pharmacists. 
• A catchy track from Essex Green over at BWE favorite You Ain't No Picasso. 
• Not exactly a download, but if you can't make it to South By Southwest Music Festival in Austin this year, check out the next best thing - the SXSW Player!
• Gorilla vs. Bear has a track from Destroyer's amazing new album, Destroyer's Rubies. 
• The Rawking Refuses To Stop (one of the most awesome blog names ever) posted three pop gems from the relatively unheard-of, but really catchy band Track A Tiger.