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(Click on pics for EXCLUSIVE blown-up screen grabs of the full story.)

Holy Couch-Jumping Heterosexual Thetans, Batman!!!

Life & Style Weekly is running a cover story on the demise of the (literally) star-crossed relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!  The ramifications of this news are unthinkable - our very existence might be hanging by only a few fragile threads of sensational tabloid fodder!

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring.

Could it really be true?  And if so, why in the name of Xenu do we have to find out about this on VALENTINE'S DAY???

UPDATE: We've got footage of Oprah telling Tom she's mad that he lied.

February 14, 2006 | Permalink


Wow, his footprints have barely dried on Oprah's couch.

Posted by: Jim Treacher | Feb 14, 2006 4:42:18 PM

They wanted to end it before they started hating each other? They should have ended it before everyone started hating them!

Posted by: suzanne | Feb 14, 2006 4:47:49 PM

is there anyone left that think he's straight?

Posted by: nyc2 | Feb 14, 2006 4:58:50 PM

Better question - is there anyone left who cares??

Posted by: dpginthecity.blogspot.com | Feb 14, 2006 5:10:04 PM

Does it matter if WE hate them BOTH??

Posted by: Before they hate each other? | Feb 14, 2006 5:31:11 PM

Martin Mull said "Hollywood is like high school with money."

And TomKat is like the high school kid who wants to get drunk for the first time & is unwittingly slipped some non-alcoholic beer.

Watching him get "trashed" on O'Doul's & stagger around & urinating in the kitchen sink when everyone knows he isn't drunk -- is TomKat and the marriage/baby in a nutshell.

Posted by: Tiffany Leigh | Feb 14, 2006 5:40:05 PM

damn Tiffany. that was pure poetry.

the reason they're breaking up? not to be mean... but have you seen katie holmes lately? she needs to lay off the thetans

Posted by: Mike | Feb 14, 2006 5:50:59 PM

www.jaggle.nl is linking this item! Parasites!!!

Posted by: www.geenstijl.nl | Feb 14, 2006 6:22:56 PM

I second Mikes emotion!

Posted by: Marissa | Feb 14, 2006 6:24:44 PM

It was never real and everyone knew it. T Ask Nicole. Wait for the "miscarriage". To be continued..........................

Posted by: Jan | Feb 14, 2006 9:18:21 PM

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!? When did that happen?

Posted by: IronsGold | Feb 14, 2006 10:26:49 PM

well it looks like perhaps Katie has woken up from her brainwashing session with the Scientologists, given her head a good shake and gone for some deprogramming. At least the farce is over now!

Posted by: CJ | Feb 14, 2006 10:44:54 PM

This week they sell the magazine saying they split, next week they sell the magazine saying they are back together....

Posted by: rita | Feb 15, 2006 2:31:38 AM

What's wrong with being gay?

Posted by: Matt LeBlanc | Feb 15, 2006 9:35:29 AM

Tom Cruise is gay. Wake up!

Posted by: Leo | Feb 15, 2006 12:17:20 PM

Funniest comments I've ever read! I thought I was the only one convinced: 1. Tom's gay; 2. it's all been a sham - terribly unconvincing and very creepy; and 3. Katie Holmes looks really bad!
I don't care if they break up or not, but it sure is nice to know you all are on the same page!

Posted by: Deb | Feb 15, 2006 2:03:16 PM

Nothing wrong w/ being gay, just admit that you are. I think he was interviewing women to be his child's mom and that's how they met.

Posted by: Amy | Feb 15, 2006 7:12:03 PM

It's a fairy tale gone way wrong. First of all, the age difference "is" a factor in this case due to major differences in life experience and lack thereof, stamina, lack of interests, etc... Second, any person in his or her right mind you would think had enough common sense not to screw around with someone - REGARDLESS of their status/fame - who didn't even have the desire to save previous relationships that WERE fixable, but they "weren't interested". It all boils down to common sense, which is very UNCOMMON. Tom Cruise is an asshole and Katie Holmes now is forced to grow up and be a mom when I don't believe she was truly ready for such a challenge.

Posted by: Kelly | Feb 16, 2006 10:54:41 AM

Sounds to me like Tom is an out-of-control "control" freak.

Posted by: ControlFreak | Feb 16, 2006 11:06:13 AM

Who gets the plane?

Posted by: karla | Feb 16, 2006 2:18:07 PM

Amy, why do you have to admit that you are gay if you don't want to? Should we apply that to all things? It's okay to like bondage, just come out and admit it!

I totally agree that Tom's charade is a train wreck but I, for one, am enjoying every minute. You go girl!

Posted by: Matt LeBlanc | Feb 17, 2006 11:46:21 AM

If this IS TRUE,then I feel sorry for the baby. Why would a young girl like Katie Holmes, EVEN consider having a baby out of wedlock with a man as old as Tom? She is but a baby HERSELF! Age doesn't mean anything when you're in love & getting married, BUT JUST TO HAVE A BABY? GET REAL,TOM!!! You already HAVE 2 kids with Nicole for crying out loud!

Posted by: Cynthia | Feb 18, 2006 1:00:06 AM

have any men claimed to have had sex with tom cruise? any photos? any anything? or is he repressed and admittting it to himself?

Posted by: joan | Feb 18, 2006 9:12:10 AM

The true victim here is that poor child who has no hope of a normal childhood.

Posted by: Erin | Feb 18, 2006 10:09:25 AM

Well, I lurve Tom Cruise and truly believe that the excitement of having his own baby has caused him to go off the rails, but through sheer happiness. After all, people have been saying he was unable to have kids of his own.

Why do people have to be so jealous and so cruel? Is it because they cannot stand to see someone who loves Life and loves to be in love?

Shame on them

Posted by: Jeanette | Feb 18, 2006 10:21:20 AM

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