Thursday Morning Quick Hits

Paris Hilton is complaining that her finger hurts because her 24-carat engagement ring is just too big. Oh yeah? Well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled Paris² mansion landscaping duty you ungrateful whinny fembot. Anybody else's fingers hurt? I didn't think so.(much love to Stiller)

Blind Teen uses the force to win at Mortal Kombat. Jedi Knights and ninjas surrender. Not impressed? Maybe this list of the 50 best portable games of all time will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Burt Reynolds expresses how much he would love to place fluids on Jessica Simpson's rear-end. Can...can I even say that? Please don't fire me.

Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell...Christopher Walken enjoys tricking makeup artists for free cake by pretending it's his birthday and he's all alone. "By lunchtime, a cake is wheeled out with bottles of champagne, and we all have a lot of fun".

Ask Alicia Keys anything and have your questions and her answers appear in the next issue of Blender magazine. I'm hoping my desert island question involving midgets or robots gets answered but chances are it will be a little bit too far off topic to make the cut. Pity. I have a feeling Keys is a fan of the midgets. I guess I'll never know.

Osama tried to poison the US coke supply. Pepsi is unavailable for comment.Oh. Oh. You meant 'coke' the drug not the drink. Got it. I'm so not hip.

Owen Wilson likes to experiment. With women. Lots of women. This isn't for science folks. This one is just for Owen's private studies.

Kelly Osbourne just wants that ex-boyfriend of hers to Shut Up and if that approach fails to work there is always hope for another album to help express her anger or if that fails you could always bite off a bat's head. That will show him.