Who's Having The Best Week Ever?
Well, it happened: Suri Cruise has finally arrived. She escaped her mother's womb and is now free to run amock and spread the word of Scientology from coast to coast. Is she having the best (first) week ever? There's only one way to find out. Tune in to VH1 tonight at 11 and all weekend long. I'd do it if I were you. Because if not... Suri'll GET YA! You've been warned.
Guess Who This Woman Was Married To
That's right, you're looking at Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey's first wife, Rocky Parker. The Grey's Anatomy stud married her when he was 21 and she was 48, 27 years his senior. Parker was the mom of Dempsey's best friend Corey Parker, and apparently a
MILF MHLF. The couple divorced in 1994 after 7 years of marriage. While I don't totally understand how this bizarro love-match could have happened, I guess she just ordered the pizza with extra anchovies.
Pete Doherty Arrested Again, Again
This has got to be some kind of world record. Troubled rocker Pete Doherty, only 3 hours after appearing in court and being spared jail time on drug charges from an arrest last month, has been arrested yet again, totally demolishing his previous personal best time of 8 hours back in January. To give you some perspective, Bob posted about Pete's victorious court appearance today slightly more than an hour ago, and Pete has now gotten himself arrested again. How can we even keep up?
Paul Rudd: The Wind Beneath Her Wings
When Hollywood producers need a guy who can save his family they cast Harrison Ford. But when they're looking for a guy to be overshadowed by a female lead, they call the woman's wingman, Paul Rudd. While Rudd is a talented actor is his own right, with an impressive comedic resume, it seems like he's always top pick for any production where a woman needs to shine. Take his new Broadway show with Julia Roberts. Yes he's in it too, and he's probably pretty good, but that's not important. This is Julia's vehicle and Paul is there to non-threateningly enhance her glow (and her acting).
More proof that Paul's the woman's wingman after the jump...
Remember Paul's first big role in the Alicia Silverstone vehicle Clueless, where his character Josh served to make soulless Cher seem a little bit more human? And in Jennifer Aniston's early vehicle the Object of my Affection where his ambiguously gay leading man served mainly to show how strong (yet pretty in sundresses) a woman can be without a man. He's the hired gun for making any actress seem empowered.
He will never be the guy in the movie who throws anyone down on a bed, or breaks free of ropes to rescue a child, and he'll never be the guy who negotiates with terrorists, gambles in Monaco or runs ice over Scarlett Johannson's lips. But what he will be is a nice guy (possibly holding a bouquet of daisies) who wants to make a promise to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. Perhaps it's his petite-ness or his saucer-shaped eyes that emote heartbreak and adoration in equal parts. But whenever there's a vehicle for a female actress, he'll be there. That's the Paul Rudd promise.
They really don't make blow-up dolls like they used to.
Now it's your turn. What do you think is going on with the "world's first supermodel" Janice Dickinson in this picture? Leave your captions in the Comments.
Jake's Buddy Gets a Real Job
Forget the guest appearance on Veronica Mars or the very public date with Nick Lachey, the best way to launch your acting career is to be Jake Gyllenahaal's best bud. Just ask Austin Nichols, the small time actor who's recent public appearances with the Brokeback Mountain star, has landed him a talent deal with HBO. Now that Nichols will star in one of the cable network's next big projects, Jakey G may need a replacement bro. Duties include attending Lakers games, walking with Jake down the street and displaying just enough borderline homoerotic man love to appeal to those of all sexual orientations.
Are Sexasaurses Having The Best Week Ever?
R. Kelly returned to New York this week for the first time since 2004. Well, on behalf of all New York, allow me to say that he was missed. During last night's sold out Radio City Music Hall show, R previewed an unreleased song titled "The Zoo" that contained the following lyrics:
"It's like Jurassic Park, but I'm your Sexasaurus" and "You and me hopping like two kangaroos... you got me locked in your cage of ecstasy and I don't want to be free... I'm your Tarzan and you're my Jane." Wow. Just. Wow.
I for one think it's about time Sexasauruses got their due. I've seen all three Jurassic Park movies, and not once did they talk about the Sexasaurus. Kudos to R. Kelly for stepping up and bringing this extinct-but-not-forgotten dinosaur to the attention of the American Public for the first time... ever. Oh, and for the record, accused pedophile R. Kelly has titled his next album Making Babies. Thankfully he does not go into specifics as to what he's making them do, exactly. But you can imagine. [Read the MTV News article here ]
TomKat: the Afterbirth
After months of speculation, anticipation and no small amount of skepticism, the day has finally come and gone: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have brought a new life into the world. But now that the pregnancy circus is pulling out of gossip town, what's next for the world's Hollyweirdest couple?
First of all, Tom has indefinitely cancelled all press appearances for his upcoming summer blockbuster/career killer, Mission:Impossible 3, which is news I know at least one person is going to take pretty hard. Next, as the cruel hand of fate would have it, Tom Cruise and his natal arch-nemesis Brooke Shields had their new children ON THE SAME DAY, forever entwining the destinies of their offspring. This will also give the whole world a very public opportunity to observe the post-partum challenges and behavior of one woman who doesn't believe in psychiatric medication, and one woman who isn't crazy.
So just because the baby is finally born and you're not going to get to see anymore pictures of Katie Holmes out shopping with a basketball stuffed under shirt, there's still plenty more juice left in this fruit basket of absurdity.
BWE Photoshop Contest: Tom Cruise: You Complete Me
For the You Complete Me photoshop contest is there anything more appropriate than L. Ron Hubbard completing Tom Cruise? I don't think so.
Katie still hasn't popped, so the photoshopped contest hasn't stopped. Send your submissions to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com. We'll be posting our favorite entries every day until Katie brings that alien side-show baby into the world. So get to it.
(click here to get the Tom Cruise cutout to work with and see some more of our favorite entries)
EXCLUSIVE: Joe Rogan Hates Obese and Jewish People?
MUST READ! When millionaire TV star whose life is way better than yours Joe Rogan is not talking wannabe reality stars into eating pig intestines, or waging online war against college kids, he apparently enjoys posting on his official message board, particularly in a 50-page thread entitled "I finally found that jewf*ck crash". Featuring the lacking levels of intelligence and sensitivity found on most online message boards, what makes this one particularly interesting is that a public figure like Rogan (and yes, it's really him) not only tolerates this litany of hate speech, shocking racism and outright cruelty, but he "enjoys it" - hell, he even declares it "the greatest thread in Rogan Board history". So what exactly does Joe find so funny?
It all starts when one of the members of the board (pictured) is "exposed" as part of Obesity Help, an online support group for morbidly obese persons. The rest of the board, including Rogan himself, respond by hurling insults (including some particularly disturbing anti-Semitic language), harassing innocent obese people and posting hardcore pornographic pictures (which, according to Rogan, is mandatory to be granted the privilege of participating in his little gem of an online community).
The Fear of bad publicity is clearly not a Factor for Joe Rogan.