SIZZLER: Springer Ain't Got Nothin' on Spears

Star Magazine has informed us that Child Services finally got off their lazy asses and made a heroic trip over to the Spears/Federline home in an attempt to spare Sean Preston from the cruelty of being cared for by his freakshow parents.  Britney's baby-on-the-lap frenzied driving, combined with Kevin's incessant "hip-hopping" proved to be too much for the toddler, who  apparently tried to end it all by jumping off his high-chair and fracturing his skull.